can I get a woo for no one reading this... well aside from one or two... and if you do... then fuck you... stop keeping track of me, I am tired of being cared about.. tired of being needed. I wish I could be left alone for more than a few hours without something being wrong, yeah I get pissed off like everyone else but I dont need someone following me around holding my fucking hand telling me whats ok and whats not these are my thoughts and no one elses but my own, if I want to get drunk and fuck up my job then its my choice if I fuck my friends over then I did it.. and if I make you believe something that isint true then go ahead hate me for it. I dont care. every day I am alive is another day I kinda regret for one reason or another even if I dont find a reason I really wish I was dead, I wish the one time I had the balls to do it that it would have worked, I'm tired of waging wars on myself I dont know how much longer I can do it, even though I have been saying it for years, I feel that I am getting close to an end.. whether its a new place, a new job, a new anything I just want out of this, a new place I fear is just going to prolong the inevitable. so I am tired of being the bitch.. tired of listening to everything everyone says, tired of actually caring what they say.. tired of not standing up, tired of dreaming tired of not sleeping, just flat out fucking tired, I just look foward to vacation.. whatever that means, maybe I'll get away, make the trip that I have been putting off, maybe it will be enough to find a reason, maybe I wont come back from it, if not I hope its almost as good as I thought it always would have been had I not been making the trip alone even though I know your going to be there with me for whatever it is worth, if I dont see anybody before then hopefully I come back a new person, and if I dont well then too damn bad, this is who I am supposed to be I guess... at least I will have acomplished the last thing that I said I was going to do.. and actually ment it before during and after I said I was going to do it