so, moring again, the only time when I'm really alreat, awake and half way functioning, (work dosent count) anyways, I wnet to work at the cheese today, was around sam again, I dont know, in a way I miss her, sure she was a bit clingy, she she could be childish, but I did love her, and well prolly still do, it kills to be around her, why did I break it off? I didnt want her around me during, well, the drugs, I've got a problem, pills, painkillers, I take them, alot of them, it puts me out, does weird things, I didnt want to expose her to that, I knew that she didnt want to understand why, she just wouldent want me to do it, so I took the easy way out, I pushed her away, when I really needed someone the most, now I'm kicking myself for it, smoking again, and poping even more pills, god I need to talk to her, maybe, tomorrow, or this weekend, I'm sure I'll see her at some point, prolly should talk to brandi first, maybe she has some good insight, maybe can see a flaw in my thinking, she does know the most about both of us, I dont know, I've got this really bad feeling, I'm cold, shaky and numb, I need to get out of here, and now