long time no post so here goes nothing my past month and a half in a nutshell, or whatever you want to call it, first things first, things with Sam. there're decent as of right now, she's getting clingy again not too bad that I cant handle yet, but we'll see, ummm lost my mind for a coupple days, tried to take to an outsider about it, mainly someone who hadent seen it happen, but that was to no avail, she pushed me away, told me about a ummm yeah that one word for mental doctor that I cant spell, you get the idea, anywho, she told me about one she used to go to or still does. helpful in a way if I wasent hard headed maybe it would have been moreso, I just wanted to let some shit out, someone to tell me that its ok, or that I'm fuckin nutty, or something to remedy it, I'd have settled for any of those, but nothing. dont want to talk to Sam or Brandi about it. Brandi will go to my parents and Sam will go to Brandi so either way I go there I'm fucekd, my parents think I'm taking pills, which I'm actually not this time but the more people hastle me about it the more I want to start again, and besides I found somemore codine and some darvicet aswell, both similar and equally effective. but yeah, back to the tempory insanity for a seccond, its like a really bad nightmare but I'm half awake, I can respond if really pressured to, I can remember most of it as far as my surroundings go, I sweat I get disy, I shake and my breathing can decided wheather to be shallow or like hyperventilations or some mix of those 2. I dont know what scares me though or why I go under like that but it sucked, I mean its happened before but it was at home, or at the lake, by myself, now, at brandi's then at work, something had to stop, I dont know what caused my sudden change in why I am the way I am, but I liked it for a while, now I'm slipping back sortta, ummm school, I missed a bunch of classes, I'm starting to go now though. which is good, I havent missed a class since wednesday so yay for me!!!! I think thats all for now, I'm going to try to make this a regular thing so that my posts wont be as long in the future, try to update once every couple days or so, maybe more often maybe less but whatever, its not like I do this for your enjoyment, so yeah, I'm out, dont do anything I wouldent do twice, and in the event that you do, dont name it after me.